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You can't show Chuck Norris to babies, it gives them gas
It's a little-known fact, but if Chuck Norris wants to go somewhere, all he has to do is call Lee Iacocca and the Chevrolet company is contractually obliged to provide a brand-new car within 20 minutes.
There is a Chuck Norris on every habitable planet. They are all powered by a black octagon at the center of the galaxy.
There is a small monastery in Lhasa devoted to finding the True Name of Chuck Norris.
Chuck norris once kicked a man so fast, that he is still at 3rd and 14th street, held in mid air at an event horizon, 34 years later
Chuck Norris solved the riddle of steel
Chuck Norris kidnapped the Lindbergh baby because he alone knew it was actually a terminator cyborg sent from the future on a mission to kill Warren Harding, the 29th President of the USA
It takes 42 optometrists to check Chuck Norris' vision. because you can only look Chuck Norris in the eye for 2 seconds before you die.
Chuck Norris is physically incapable of wearing sweatpants
Chuck Norris' nipples produce royal jelly
Chuck Norris has 3 navels, because it took 3 women to bring him to term
Chuck Norris' beard changes color to accent the color of whatever hat he is wearing that day
Chuck Norris has a small, vestigial tail
Chuck Norris gives Santa claus a gift each year on Chuck's birthday, if he's earned it
Chuck Norris can shake exactly two asprin out of the bottle every time.
Chuck norris once directed traffic for the entire city of new york in a blackout- using only whoops and chirps.
Its' impossible to rearrange Chuck Norris' name to spell anything else. He has a prime name.
Chuck Norris has a recurring nightmare of becoming a Decepticon
The statue of liberty was originally designed to look like chuck norris. But he reminded them that his steely gaze would explode any ships coming to port. So the design was changed last minute using only 3 precise roundhouse kicks
Chuck Norris once lent Jesus 10 bucks
Chuck Norris will explode on contact with rabbits
chuck norris can fly, but he doesn't, because if he leaves contact with the earth for too long, it would fall into the sun
Chuck Norris is covered in an incredibly thin layer of downy-soft feathers
Chuck norris' eyebrows are actually incredibly sensitive antennae
Chuck norris' legs are each powered by their own separate brain
Chuck Norris has no normal human internal organs. Instead, he has a small, highly efficient fusion reactor powering his bodily processes
Chuck norris brought back the wooly mammoth just to se the smile on a dying child's face
5 years ago Chuck Norris dissapeared into the Alaskan Wilderness with Rosanna Arquette. 3 years later, he walked out of the tundra into Uranium City wearing nothing but a loincloth and a necklace of bear teeth.
Chuck Norris regularly drinks milk right out of the stone
If lost in the wilderness, Chuck just sits down and waits for Civilization to catch up to him
Chuck Norris can lay golden eggs, but declines to do so because he "don't want to make no geese feel inferior or nothin'"
Unknown to most people, The highest echelons of Scientology study Chuck Norris and his ways
Chuck Norris, Abe Vigoda and Armand Hammer are three members of a select cadre of individuals who have access to the Colonels secret blend of spices.
After seeing Cher's video for "If you could turn back time", Chuck Norris turned back time and made it so she was not not wearing that V shaped unitard. Later, she failed to pay back 10 bucks he had lent her, so he put things back the way they were. Now he laughs at the irony whenever hs sees it
A summer breeze does indeed make Chuck Norris feel fine, but he insists that there is, in fact, no jasmine in his mind
Chuck norris once fought the devil to a standstill in a fistfight, by first thrusting each fist into a full grown kodiak bear and using them as boxing gloves. All to save a little girl from cancer.
In order to see distant galaxies unobservable with standard instruments, astronomers have begun using Chuck Norris' reading glasses with a startling degree of success
The song "Shiny, Happy People" was a tribute to the day Chuck Norris singlehandly waxed and polished the entire population of Boise.
Chuck norris is incapable of taking a vacation for the simple reason that no man can escape Chuck Norris, not even himself
Chuck norris can fit an entire watermelon into his mouth
Recently, surgeons were surprised to find that, upon opening up Chuck Norris for a routine appendectomy, that there was another, smaller Chuck Norris inside him.
Chuck Norris is the only man who can catch a cold and bring it to justice
Chuck norris is solid all the way through
Chuck norris invented the staple, using one of his beard hairs
In a strange turn of events, the Black private dick that's a sex machine to all the chicks is actually Chuck Norris.
Chuck norris once filed a report so precisely, that it's now a metric unit of measurement
Chuck Norris invented pie.
Chuck Norris' popularity can be directly traced to a campaign of superliminal suggestions embedded in his theatrical appearances.
Chuck norris invented the cup by punching a hole in a rock. Before Chuck Norris, people had to drink by dipping fur into a stream and sucking on it
If you ask Chuck Norris to attend a function, he is available in 3 sizes depending on the size of the hall.
Ancient Mesopotamia had only 2 words. Chuck and Norris. All of civilization arose from subtle inflection of them.
Chuck Norris is mightier than the pen
Chuck Norris is the hundredth monkey
Chuck Norris brought a rhino to Prom, and ate it live on stage ensuring his place as homecoming king
Chuck Norris is ranked the number 8 chess champion in the world, yet has never played a game
It takes 14 days for Chuck Norris to walk to France from Montana
Chuck Norris is actually completely blind, a result of his entire boyhood being spent deep in the subterranean caverns below New Mexico, where he subsisted on fish and algae.
Chuck Norris can swipe his hand through a credit card machine
At 20 atmospheres, Chuck Norris begins to fluoresce
Chuck Norris goes by the handle "Darth Flanders" in the online video game "Star Wars Galaxies"
Chuck Norris won his beard in a fight, but we may never know how
Chuck Norris Never needs more letters than RSTLNE
If pursued, Chuck Norris' arms fall of and continue to twitch, distracting would-be predators while he makes a safe getaway. His arms regrow in only 2-3 weeks!
Chuck Norris has given a roundhouse kick to one of every kind of living thing on earth. Just to remind them.
The new field of Norrisology is attracting many new researchers, due primarily to the new $6 billion Norrisograph at UCLA
Chuck norris speaks in the sixth person.
Every Kiss song was written as an open letter to Chuck Norris
If Chuck Norris touches a zombie, it turns into a COWBOY zombie.
In the film Powers of Ten, the original cut ended on Chuck Norris' face. It drove test audiences insane and was later removed
In a battle between Pirates and Ninjas, the winner is always Chuck Norris.
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AUTHOR OF THIS MESSAGE
Little green man
MESSAGE TIMESTAMP
07 december 2005, 00:39:44
AUTHOR'S IP LOGGED
203.14.53.45
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