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'well, I've finally seen Star Wars RoTS' posted by Little green man - 05/11/2005, 03:18:23
'Ok, so now we know the circumstances...' posted by 5618 - 05/11/2005, 06:11:03

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Just a thought--I fe
Just a thought--I feel like your wiirtng tends toward melodrama, especially in moments like "my obese cat" etc. The comparison is easily understood; you don't have to beat it into the ground with additional detail or overwrought adjectives.There's also glaring moments of redundancy: "So I was left tossing and turning alone next to a slumbering husband, and naturally began thinking up a downright cool story idea that I began narrating to myself in my head." It's obvious he's slumbering, first of all. "thinking up" and "in my head"--you only need one phrase to get the job done.I know this is probably just an off-the-cuff blog post, but meant as constructive criticism.





(VISITOR) AUTHOR'S NAME
Kfa

MESSAGE TIMESTAMP
16 december 2014, 18:25:33

AUTHOR'S IP LOGGED
62.210.78.179




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