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You know how we make New Years Resolutions that usually last about ten minutes? We want to lose 10 pounds, give up that special vice, not waste time watching television, etc. Whatever we aim to do, we usually forget about it within a few months or just get too lazy to carry it out, hence why my gym is so crowded in January and nearly empty in August. In some ways I love it, because it means I get more time to myself on all the machines. On the other hand, how many times have I not gone to the gym because I "don't feel like it."?
This year, I've sort of set a goal of going after things I want. I know that might so strange, but I want to show myself I can try and fail, and that I'm not afraid of falling down.
I decided to audition for American Idol. I don't want to be American Idol. I don't want the drama, but I did want to go to Orlando and give it a shot to say I tried. I was cut in the first round. No cameras caught me. It didn't matter. My hubby came with me and it was the experience of a lifetime just to be out there amongst the throngs of people and to get to see how it worked from the inside. In the stands I ended up sitting next to a gentleman who led worship in his church, and he had been married all of two weeks. His mother prayed over us before we went down, and we were both cut, but that was fine. I didn't cry. I didn't weep. It was a wild ride.
I quit my job. I couldn't stand my situation where I was, and I found a job that was right up my alley. I'm now working for a non-profit doing some absolutely amazing things. I know that all the hard work I put in will benefit people I will never meet in countries I will never visit, and that's just the coolest thing in the world to know. My heart sings to know that my work has a purpose now and that I won't have to deal with any of the drama I went through before.
It was a shock to my employer when I turned in my 2 weeks, but not to me and anyone who knows me. I have two very strong confidants over there whom I do miss seeing every day. They knew how bad it was and were dealing with some of the very same people as I was, making their work very difficult day-to-day. I applied for my new job on a Wednesday. Thursday I had a phone interview. Friday I had an in-person interview. Monday they did my background check. Tuesday I had an offer and Wednesday I accepted.
It was so crazy, because I've worked within the company before, just not for the non-profit side. I worked in the for-profit division back when I was in College. Started out as an intern at age 19. Spent two more summers after that working for them. The woman who received my application for the new position remembered me from 2003. Isn't that insane? She saw my name and remembered me and called the Vice President of the company and said, "You need to talk to this girl." Do you have any idea how that thrilled me to hear that? Someone who encountered me for a single interview when I was 19 remembered me enough to trust that at 25 I was still just as reliable and hard-working.
I've been at the new job two weeks thus far. I have two employees and several other people who I coordinate with, and we're already doing fantastic things. It's been rough, because I came in having to put out some fires that started before I got there, but as of Friday I finally felt caught up, like I'd arrived. It was a really rough two weeks, and at the end of the day Friday, at 5pm, I was out the door. I typically get in between 8am and 8:15am, but I worked through half my lunch Friday, so I was ready to go.
As I got in my car my Blackberry went off to let me know I had a message. It was my VP. She was telling me to go home for the day (which I was) and that she felt so blessed for me to be there. My heart swelled. It's been such a rough two weeks. AMAZING, but rough because I had to put out all those fires I didn't cause.... and to see that she noticed meant the world to me. I didn't think she had, and I wasn't going to shove it in her face just for the sake of recognition.... so I was so blessed she noticed.
I've been working on my screenplays. Two are going to be submitted for Zoetrope in the next two weeks. One, called "Something Beautiful" is ready to go. Just awaiting WGA protection. It's 108 pages and I love it. I wrote the first draft in two weeks in 2007. Since then, I've tried to strengthen it and get it to the point where it was ready to be sent out. It's there. The next one I'm working on to send out I wrote in 2006. It's currently 104 pages, but with all the fight scenes it'll easily run near 2 hours.
I would be sending out more, but I simply can't afford it right now. It's $25 each to protect them with the WGA and $50 to submit to the competition apiece. But, I'm moving forward. I'm not holding back and I'm not crawling into a hole anymore. I'm 25 years old and I am pressing forward and I am going to do the best I can to throw myself into everything I do and believe in it with all my heart.
See, I've spent years not moving forward. I didn't get out of my job earlier because I thought I was being stupid and ungrateful... but as soon as I saw the job I've wanted for YEARS, I jumped on it.
Everyone knows I want to be a screenwriter, but next to that, I've always dreamed of working for a non-profit. One half of the dream is now a reality. Why can't I take the rest of the dream that extra mile?
Zoetrope is fantastic. Yes, the grand prize winner gets some cash, but the top 10 finalists get their work seen by agencies who don't allow open submissions. It's fantastic. It's an amazing opportunity, and even if I don't get in the finals with these scripts in this competition, I will send them in to others. I will press forward. I will NOT be afraid. I will not crawl into a hole and cry. I am not afraid of falling and failing. I'm not. I can't be. God made me to be more than a conqueror.
So, that's my resolution; to try. To try and fail? Sometimes. To try and succeed? Whenever possible. I'm going to dare to dream those impossible dreams Don Quixote dreamed. Gosh, it feels so good just to write it!
Don't give up on trying my friends. Don't be afraid to fall. Don't be afraid to fail. Be afraid to not try. Be afraid to be inactive and petrified by fear. That's what you should fear. Trying? Trying is the gift of life! That we may get up every morning and quest after goals that seem impossible. Every person who made it in this world did so because they tried something. They went out there and went for it! Go for it!! TRY!
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(VISITOR) AUTHOR'S NAME
Muffy
MESSAGE TIMESTAMP
24 august 2009, 14:15:41
AUTHOR'S IP LOGGED
72.218.205.231
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