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Not this past week, but the week before, I left tap class in tears. It was only my second lesson in 14 years, but I was utterly frustrated at my inability to master the teacher's instructions.
I got in the class partially due to a friend from high school. See, after five or six years of no contact, we now work together and find we like one another's company very much. Not that we hated each other back in the day, but we simply ran in different crowds.
Well, I remembered her as this skilled tapper, and she admitted dropping out since high school. I've always wanted to tap due to a long-standing adoration for Gene Kelly. Suffice it to say, we enrolled in a level 2/3 adult/teens class and she was moved to a level 6 class after one night, leaving me alone with other people who have had at least one year of tap in the past few years... with me having none in 14.
So, class two I asked the hubby to come with me, and he watched me, and when I cried about my inability to keep up, he told me I WAS keeping up, but that because it didn't come naturally to me, I was struggling, and not used to that... I was going to have to work harder.
Now, I had been working harder. I'd be practicing nearly every day on my lunch break, bringing my tap shoes to work and enduring sneers, weird glances and teasing comments as I tapped away, and I was still feeling like I was falling behind.
This past week, I walked in, armed with a memory from when I was on a swim team between the ages of 11 and 13.
For me, it was never about being the best. I never ONCE medaled or even won a ribbon.. not ONCE. Came in 8th once, two shy of a ribbon, but I never won. It didn't matter to me. I enjoyed it, and I was out there EVERYDAY swimming and practicing. At the end of the year, I was shocked to win coach's choice medal for my perseverance. Was I perfect? Far from it, but I didn't give up.
When I remembered that amazing attitude I had at such a young age, I was able to approach my tapping with a better attitude, and I had a better class. When I started to stress, I gave the lesson to God. I know that sounds goofy, but I tuned out everyone else (We were working alone with the teacher walking around to check us and help us) and I just focused on dancing for God. Was it perfect? No, but it was an act of love.
I left class feeling energized and rejuvinated and not nearly as down about m'self.
See, things do often come easy to me. After three or four weeks working with braille (self-taught), I could read sentences with my eyes closed. Slow, but I could still read them. School came easy to me almost always, and I left College with a NOT PERFECT GPA, but really close to it... I'm not used to having to fight too much.
But I learned something about myself through this experience, and it's that I'm not a quitter. I wasn't as a kid, and I'm not now. I keep pressing on. Sure, it may take a bit of prayer to get through when it's tough, but I'm stronger than I realized... and I think a lot of us are stronger than we realize.
It's so easy to have the mentality that if it does not come easily then we are not meant to pursue it. Many marriages end when things become "not easy." Not saying all, but many. People drop out of college when it becomes "not easy." I think we don't give ourselves as much credit as we deserve...
We're fighters and survivors, and I pray that everyone is as blessed as I, so that when they can't see it, and they don't feel it, someone comes alongside to whisper, "You're doing great. Keep going." I'm blessed to have that.
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(VISITOR) AUTHOR'S NAME
Muffy
MESSAGE TIMESTAMP
22 september 2008, 13:54:13
AUTHOR'S IP LOGGED
70.160.83.135
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