|
| Here's
how
rock
hard
bottom
feels.
Or
doesn't
feel
anymore
at
all,
actually.
|
|
 |
|
 |
I'm off the ice - heaven only knows for how long. They didn't quite wipe the ice after the sunday afternoon freeskate session, I got stuck in a hockey cut in the ice, fell with my right ankle (yeah, that's the been-broken one) underneath me out of a change-foot spin (which were doing really well up until then by the way, I had the controlled foot-change-straight-to-back-outside-edge down on that spin)...
Yeah real fun.
It feels swollen, achy. Coach-parttime-physiotherapist says I'll be fine by the sole grace of my rock hard edmonton skates in terms of bones and all, but it's looking like a sprain to me. We iced it of course, I still had to go home by bike, but I iced it more afterwards.
So, anybody wanna bet on how many more bad luck I'm gonna have with the ankle?
Sorry to sound all bitter and cynical, but right now, that's about everything I can be.
I just sat on the ice and cried and then I cried some more in the changing room and then when I got home I was soaking wet from the rain and I didn't give a darn. I don't seem to give a darn about anything at all anymore right now.
Here's how rock hard bottom feels.
Darn it, I did a toeloop on friday and it didn't hurt on saturday. Why, just, why?
I've cancelled all appointments so I can stay home all week, I called a friend with a car to bring me groceries, I'm not going on the department field trip on thursday, I'm not going skating until it's better. I'll have to go to the exam on friday but I'll take the bike. I'm gonna be all sensible now, let it recover and whatever, I've learned that by now. It's not about the time off the ice, I've known all along this season would be pretty much shot. It's not about that.
It just hurts you know? Not physically, it hurts deep inside, way more than it physically ever could. And I've not a clue why.
I've gone through something like this before - you were around back then too. I think I mentioned skating in that post back then already, even though I wasn't really skating back then. I think then I wrote that if I went skating, I was ill for a week at home afterwards. Thanks for all the furry toys by the way, please, don't send more - I don't have anywhere to put them and I know you guys care without that kind of proof.
It was about my health back then. It still is, in a way. Change of scenery, but the stuff it boils down to remains: the sound of dreams and aspirations shot to shatters. Am I the universe's target practice or something? This never was in the general terms and conditions to life!
I thought I wouldn't feel it anymore another time around. But, there's the cruelty of the way that sorta things go down. Making sure you feel just enough and just in time to make sure it really, really hurts.
I don't think I'd be this shattered about it if it wasn't for that toeloop on friday.
Well, at least I'll have *great* grades for my upcoming exams in the next few weeks I guess, with all the spare time now and all. Isn't that a peach.
"Of course I'm paranoid, everyone's trying to kill me."
- Weyoun, "Treachery, Faith and the Great River"
|
 |
|
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
AUTHOR OF THIS MESSAGE
Sessy
MESSAGE TIMESTAMP
26 november 2007, 12:22:47
AUTHOR'S IP LOGGED
127.0.0.1
|
|
|
|
