I have never been known for my patience. Bull-headed and strong-willed, I want what I want when I want it. God, however, wants to teach me patience. It's the only reason I can find for the way my life is going right now.
I hate my job. It's no secret. My boss undermines me and sabotages me then blames me for the problems. It's ridiculous that in this world and at this level I find someone who is so insecure and bipolar that they can't allow people to do their jobs. That's all I want to do; my job. However, if I don't go through 15 stages of approval on even the most minor change, she asks me why I would do something like that, and then if I wait on her and remind her often of a project, she criticizes me for it not moving forward... but I was waiting on approval. Oh, it's ridiculous.
Last week I had my first interview in four years. I've only applied to a few places since I started looking, and this job sounds like cake compared to what I've been through at this point. It's at a great organization, and I would be proud to be a part of what they are doing. That said, the HR lady said it would be a few weeks before they called people back, and they will be calling back either way. So, I'm on hold.
I'm currently understudying a show. I'm understudy for the lead girl and the show opens on the 15th. There's no guarantee that I'll ever get to perform this piece, which I understand... But I'm on standby in case I'm needed. I'm on hold.
Matt and I have been struggling to conceive for two years. We were told last month with his sperm count our chances of conceiving on IUI were extremely low. This month, when we went to do the IUI, his sperm count had gone from severely low to the high end of "Normal." We were in shock and awe. 39million per milliliter with 84% motility. That may mean nothing to you, but for us it was an amazing moment. For the first time with our case we heard the word "normal." We celebrated. We were overjoyed. But I won't know if it worked for another two weeks. So, I'm on hold.
It's a weird place to be... on hold in so many aspects of my life, but there's also joy in the waiting, I'm learning. I know this is a LOT to share, but I've shared everything here since I was 15... so it only seemed appropriate. :)